Out of Control

Lori Salomo May 10, 2010

Often, lately, I've been hearing the sound of a tornado whirring ferociously.  This noise has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with my life.  For some reason, I'm going through a season  where life seems out of control.  If I do a little tally of things that have happened in the past nine months, it makes sense

  • My mom lost her sight.
  • I made an unexpected decision to move closer to family
  • I left my job, church, home and friends in Chicago
  • I sold my home during an economic crisis (that was fun, let me tell you)
  • I got a new job, relocated here in Fishers, started a new life
  • I began taking care of my mother every-other-weekend
  • I am getting acquainted with a new ministry team
  • I have been thrust into the complicated situation of trying to manage nursing home care...

...just to name a few.  Whew.  When I look at it that way, it makes sense.  But, no matter how much sense it makes, I still don't like the feeling of life being out of control.

With so many new things in my life...new relationships, new teams, new staff, new job, new ministries, new home, new neighbors, new routine, I definitely feel like the new kid on the block and not yet completely comfortable as I get settled.  Add to that a little 83-year-old mom who is needing help and grieving her new nursing home life and things can get pretty hectic.  Do you hear the tornado winds blowing?  I sure do.  And the more they blow, the more tempted I am to get out a hammer and nails and start nailing things down.  It makes sense to try to get this mess under control, doesn't it????  Well, it seems that at this time in my life, God is allowing - better yet, DESIRES - the "tornado" for me.  He doesn't seem to mind this dilemma I'm facing.  As a matter of fact, He seems to be doing a lot of the wind-blowing Himself. (Thanks a lot, God.) 

As a follower of Christ, I dont' think I've ever really had God "talk" to me but I can say that on several occasions He has given me a sense about what He wants for my life and those directives have been undeniable.  This current "tornado" feeling is one of those directives.  In my heart-of-hearts, I feel that God wants me to let go of control and let the winds blow.  As they do, as I feel uncomfortable and see things "flying" around me that I would rather have fastened down, He's teaching me to trust.  What I can't seem to take care of, He must.  Rather than me making sure all is right and well in my world, I now have to depend on Him to make the new job, new life, sad momma and everything else settle into place, by His grace and in His time.  And you know what?  I'm finding that it's freeing to learn this lesson.  Mind you, I've only got one pinkie and one pointer finger loosened at this time from the grip on my life, but I'm learning to let go, to have faith that God is in charge, and to trust.

2 Timothy 1:12 says this: "That's why I'm suffering the way I am. But I'm not ashamed. I know the One I have believed in. I am sure he is able to take care of what I have given him..."  I need to give it to Him and He will take care of it.  So, Jesus, let the winds blow.  I'm going to try to enjoy the breeze and relax in the fact that YOU'VE got it all under control.